How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie: The interpersonal relationship handbook

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About the Author

Dale Carnegie was an American writer and lecturer, and the developer of famous courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking, and interpersonal skills. Born into poverty on a farm in Missouri, he was the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936), a bestseller that remains popular today.

Carnegie’s first collection of his writings was Public Speaking: a Practical Course for Business Men (1926), later entitled Public Speaking and Influencing Men in Business (1932). His crowning achievement, however, was when Simon & Schuster published How to Win Friends and Influence People.

(Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dale_Carnegie)

About the Book

First published in 1936, the book has sold over 15 million copies – making it one of the best-selling books of all time, and continuing to appear on must read / most influential book lists still today. Whilst some of the specific examples (and gender roles!) have dated slightly, the fundamental principles and actions remain as relevant today as they ever have – and maybe even more so.

The book is a 101 on interpersonal relations. You could probably read and follow these rules, never read another interpersonal development book again and enjoy pretty great relationships. The book covers three fundamental techniques, then broken into sub-rules and principles (including the all-important ‘six ways to make people like you’). The three fundamentals are;

• Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain
• Give honest and sincere appreciation
• Arouse in the other person an eager want

The original 1936 edition promised twelve benefits from reading it, my favourites are:

1. Get you out of a mental rut, give you new thoughts, new visions, new ambitions.
2. Help you to handle complaints, avoid arguments, keep your human contacts smooth and pleasant.
3. Make you a better speaker, a more entertaining conversationalist.

BIG IDEA 1 (3:58) - Make others feel important. This book talks a lot about self-sacrificing and servant leadership mindset. One of the tips given in the book was let other people do the talking and not telling them that they are wrong, involving other people. One of my favorites is being curious and understanding other people’s perspective. Making others feel important is essential in all kinds of relationship even within the work team. Sometimes we are so quick to jump into conclusions and not letting others do the talking. By doing so we don’t make others feel important. We must be curious in knowing what other people’s perspective is so that we make them feel that they are important.

BIG IDEA 2 (5:38) - Say goodbye to your ego. This idea is about not making things about you. This comes from the servant leadership mindset and the ability to put aside your own views. Let other people talk about themselves because the more we allow them to do so, the more they will like us.

BIG IDEA 3 (7:23) - Smile. A simple smile, being open to others, being honest and the ability of a smile to get someone into a conversation or positive interaction.

Listen to Courage to be Disliked and Art of Gathering

Click here to buy on The Book Depository

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Email - steph@stephclarke.com

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